Joy: An Investment

Everyone’s mom has told them, “Happy is a choice.” Sometimes the truths we hear over and over are those hardest to accept.
 It has been one of those weeks when the panic and disappointment in my heart is fighting its way to my actions. With finals approaching, a housing placement I wasn’t expecting, and the haunting feeling of always being one step behind with schoolwork, my knuckles are white from their iron grip on my smile.
 How I have prayed, and grasped wildly for, the peace of the Spirit. Where was it?
 But then: what if I am forcing an imagined calm in the storm out of my own power of will? What if an honest pouring of my bruised and frantic heart onto the cross is more strong? What is weakness and transparency is my finest armor? What a terrifying thought.
 I wish for reality. I wish for a life not ruled by what Emily makes so.  He has plans for me, He does. And though I know mine are not better, somehow I trust them more.
 This week may be for this lesson. So I have begun finding joy in its hiding places. How a sweet girl I barely knew let me borrow the perfect dress, belly laughing at Waffle House late at night on National Waffle Day, the way spring air smells, compassionate friends I do not deserve, a boyfriend who make the perfect Taco Bell burritos for me and works too much, bragging and complaining to a Mommy who listens always, and a God who teaches me.
This is where joy lives. Cherish it.