Fear. Fear is a funny thing; easy to find and hard to shake. In our world that is so fast, dangerous, and calculated, fear is often a secret of our hearts.
We fear things that we can’t control. The obsession for total control manifesting itself in terror of those things which we cannot. The truth is, there is little we can truly control and very little that we should.
We are told from our childhoods that to build a beautiful life, we must mold it with our own hands. We must remove all obstacles and break down all walls in the path of our personal happiness. But those walls are often masked opportunity we are afraid to confront.
Trust is difficult for me. Especially trust in my big God that I cannot see and can’t audibly hear. It is hard for me to believe that I could be wrong about what is best for me, or that silence and patience could be God’s will. But He is wise, a lesson I have learned the hard way over and over.
The first time I can remember my trust being tested, I was seven. I was in a big girl, in a big bed, in a big house, on a different floor than my parents, and I was terrified every night that the house would burn down. Looking back, it was such a random fear, yet so real and crippling.
Fire was bigger that me, and even bigger than my Daddy. Fire could destroy everything I loved and no one could stop it. It could break apart the carefully placed pieces of my seven year life and I was terrified of it. My nights were full of unrest for nearly a year.
One day though, I was lying there and tired of the sleepless nights and I prayed. I asked my God to take away my fear and I asked with child-like faith. And it was gone, it vanished as quickly as I asked. I found I was not even surprised.
That day, I learned to love and trust my heavenly Daddy. I believe that He is looking out for me. And more miraculously, I have come to trust Him even more than I trust my own self.
This weekend, I sat scary close to a bonfire and I felt the stirring of an age old fear in my heart like hot coals. But when someone dropped a new log on the fire, and the sparks sprayed over my boots, I took a breath and thanked God. Because I do not have to be afraid.
My heavenly Daddy can control fire, and sickness, and the turning of this world. He wakes me up in the morning and has held all the stars in His hands. Those same hands are holding me.
“For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.” 2 Timothy 1:7
“The LORD is with me; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?” Psalm 118:6
Welcome! I'm a wife, mama-to-be, foster mom, fourth year music teacher, and Jesus follower, and am chronically curious about just about everything. Join me as I explore the calling God has for my family's story.
"I am the Vine, you are the Branches. If you abide in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing."